is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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