who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
