masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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