I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We named our party play list daddy issues
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
