Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
