also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
