I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My friends, they love my intelligence
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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