just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
