What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
third nipple confirmed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
