He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize