if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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