What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
