seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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