i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
