david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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