So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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