the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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