I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
