So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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