the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
