Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
