I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
