Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
