Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
