I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
