And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
