these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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