This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
