So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize