Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
