had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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