someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
