Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
