Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
