who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
