The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
