some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
