youre lurking in front of me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
