my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
