the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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