i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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