Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
what is it with giant penises always finding me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
