so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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