she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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