Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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