And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
