any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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