my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
