saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
