He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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