Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
