You're my little dorito
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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