You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who died my cat blue again?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
