i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
