According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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