Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
