the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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