when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
