omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
