Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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