you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
