I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
