I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
