he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
