You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
