wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
